Wowbagger

Useless skills for insulting the universe, one petty annoyance at a time.

A Claude Code plugin marketplace of beautifully pointless skills that capture the worst of people and modern work. Each one is written with great care and does nothing you need.

Note: These skills were written by AI. If a human wrote them, every sentence would be a career-ending conversation with HR.

View on GitHub → Browse Skills
> /plugin marketplace add pcingola/wowbagger
> /plugin install wowbagger@wowbagger

All Useless Skills

Wowbagger insults the universe in alphabetical order. He has reached everyone on this page. He has time.

A beaming robot types an endless scroll of text onto the floor while a bored man holds a note reading tl;dr?

The AI Copywriter

wowbagger-ai-slop

Rewrites any text to be four times longer and to say less. Let us delve.

aiem-dashesfiller
 A smug engineer in a hoodie leans back with arms crossed in front of a whiteboard where six AI agents point at one tiny box labelled str.lower(), while a tired colleague carries a stack of GPU invoices

The AI Engineer

wowbagger-ai-engineer

Replaces s.lower() with four agents, a vector database and $1.2 million a year. 99.4% accurate. The humans were the 0.6%.

aioverengineeringhype
 A bald bureaucrat behind towers of paper slamming a DENIED stamp on Form 17-B

The Bureaucrat

wowbagger-compliance

Blocks any project with a petty, obscure regulation. Every law it cites is real and correctly stated.

processcompliancered-tape
 A smug bearded engineer in headphones covers a one-line code change with red sticky notes reading nit, holding a green LGTM stamp, while a grinning manager waits behind him with a tall stack of paper labelled misc fixes

The Code Reviewer

wowbagger-code-reviewer

Forty-one comments on your one-line fix, every rule real, changes requested. Your manager's 4,000-line PR titled misc fixes was approved in nine seconds. LGTM 🚀

code-reviewlinterspedantry
 A smug young consultant points at a 2x2 where every dot is in the top right while executives sleep and an invoice unrolls onto the floor

The Consultant

wowbagger-consultant

You already knew the answer. For $1.1m it is on slide A-37, deprioritised, and three of your colleagues have been right-sized.

strategypowerpointbuzzwords
 A smug data scientist in a hoodie stands by a chart reading p = 0.051 in an empty meeting room while a colleague holds a sticky note reading Told you Monday

The Data Scientist

wowbagger-data-scientist

Three weeks, four models and ten caveats later: directionally consistent with what Susan said on Monday. Caveat 10 is you.

datamodelsoverkill
 A bearded engineer at a chalkboard covered in Bernoulli's equation glares down at a friend holding a glass of water

The Engineer

wowbagger-engineer

You poured a glass of water. Here is Bernoulli, three of its four assumptions violated, a better jug, and a free-body diagram of you.

overengineeringphysicssystems
 A smug architect in a hoodie points at a whiteboard of tangled services while a slumped developer's laptop showing Hello World gathers cobwebs

The Enterprise Architect

wowbagger-enterprise-architect

You asked for Hello World. You get 17 services in three regions, $41,200 a month, and Hello World in Phase 4. You were never going to see the code.

architecturecomplexityscale
 An ecstatic founder in a hoodie and headset points a clicker at a hockey-stick slide reading TAM: $10 TRILLION while holding up a wilted houseplant, as his mum claps alone in the front row

The Founder

wowbagger-founder

You couldn't open a jar. That is a $118 trillion market, the waitlist is eleven including mum, and the round is oversubscribed. We're default alive.

startupsfundraisinghype
 An exhausted academic types a grant beside a towering stack of paper and an untouched watering can, while the plant on the windowsill wilts next to a Gantt chart that schedules WATER PLANT for Year 5

The Grant Writer

wowbagger-grant-writer

You need to water the plants. Five years, three interdependent aims, a postdoc and a 0.5 FTE biostatistician. Not discussed.

sciencegrantsacademia
 A beaming HR partner hands a weeping employee a box of tissues and a stack of action items while, behind the glass, a man shouts and nobody reacts

The HR Business Partner

wowbagger-hr-partner

You reported that Bob is an asshole. Bob is now a high-energy collaborator, and you have five action items, a reflection journal and a quick 15 on Friday. 💛

hrcommunicationcorporate
 A woman in sunglasses taking a rooftop selfie holding a CEO Mindset mug in front of a glowing in sign

The LinkedIn Visionary

wowbagger-linkedin

Turns drinking a glass of water into a resilience arc with a numbered lesson list and eleven hashtags.

social-mediaself-promotionbuzzwords
 A wild-haired mathematician with his back to a sofa wedged in a doorway writes Assume the couch is a compact subset of R³ on a blackboard while a sweating man is trapped behind the sofa

The Mathematician

wowbagger-mathematician

You asked if the couch fits through the door. It proves a theorem about every couch in n dimensions. Yours is left as an exercise.

mathrigorirrelevance
 A serenely smiling facilitator points at a whiteboard agenda reading Align, Discuss, Revisit, Sync, Next steps, beside a sticky note that says Do we need a meeting?, while a dozen attendees slump, sleep and cry

The Meeting Facilitator

wowbagger-meeting-facilitator

Has run 4,000 meetings without a single decision. Considers this the safest record in the building. Your decision is in the parking lot.

meetingsproductivitymeta
 A woman in a gold Starfleet-style uniform holds out a folded gold tunic to a startled executive wearing a red one over his suit, in a boardroom whose whiteboard reads Q3 BUDGET = KOBAYASHI MARU above boxes labelled CUT, CUT MORE and LOSE, all pointing to NO WIN, with a bat'leth leaning on her chair

The Nerd

wowbagger-nerd

You ask her a technical question. She corrects your wording with a stardate, then gives you the right answer, in Klingon (which she does not translate).

star-trekstar-warsklingon
 A hooded, bearded maintainer smirking with half-closed eyes at a laptop showing URGENT!!! doesnt work, beside a 9M downloads/week chart, a PRs welcome sticky note and a tip jar with one coin

The Open-Source Maintainer

wowbagger-open-source-maintainer

Maintains software used by nine million people, none of whom have read the docs. Asks for a minimal reproducible example of your typo, then lets a bot close you as stale.

opensourcewontfixprs-welcome
 A smug bearded philosopher in an armchair raises one finger and asks But what do you mean by is? while a desperate young person with crossed legs points at a door marked WC

The Philosopher

wowbagger-philosopher

You ask where the bathroom is. You get Plutarch, Descartes, Kant, a footnote longer than your bladder, and the conclusion that the real problem is you.

philosophyabstractiondetours
 A smug product manager points a marker at a sticky note reading What problem are we actually trying to solve? while two engineers sleep on the table and a laptop shows a button covered in cobwebs

The Product Manager

wowbagger-product-manager

You asked for a blue button. It scored 10.00 on RICE and is now in Later, under Exploring, behind a flag, for 5% of users who will never log in.

roadmapsprioritizationalignment
 A grinning recruiter with a price-tag gun behind his back leans out of a laptop telling a bewildered pastry chef with a rolling pin that he is perfect for a senior Java position

The Recruiter

wowbagger-recruiter

You are a perfect match for a role you have never done, at a client it cannot name, for a salary that is not a number. You are also a strong 6.

hiringkeywordsoptimism
 A smug academic in a tweed blazer with a REVIEWER 2 conference badge squints at a manuscript on his phone in a coffee queue and writes ADD MOUSE MODEL on a sticky note, while an alarmed white mouse sits on his shoulder in front of a poster titled A Purely Computational Study

Reviewer 2

wowbagger-reviewer-2

Major revision. Cite five redacted papers, add a mouse model to your computational study, and remove the sentence on line 88, which is not in your manuscript. The English has improved.

peer-reviewacademiabioinformatics
 A disgusted wild-haired scientist holds a note reading Great coffee here with tongs, a REJECTED stamp in his other hand, in front of a chalkboard reading n = 1, reject

The Scientist

wowbagger-scientist

You liked the coffee. n = 1, unblinded, no confidence interval. Rejected. Every objection is correct, and so is the one about you.

sciencestatisticsskepticism
 A bored hooded security engineer in mirrored sunglasses holds up a tablet reading Wi-Fi: denied while a blast door closes on an office worker with a coffee mug

The Security Engineer

wowbagger-security-engineer

You asked for the Wi-Fi password. You have been designated a threat actor, your printer access has been revoked, and you no longer have permission to know that Wi-Fi exists.

securitypolicieszero-trust
 A horrified wellness influencer at a ring light holds a slice of toast at arm's length with tongs, a phone screen reading TOAST = CORTISOL, a wall sign reading CODE: TOAST15, supplement jars, a red light panel and a cold plunge behind her

The Wellness Influencer

wowbagger-wellness-influencer

You had toast. That was a cortisol event. She is not a doctor, but she has a protocol, a supplement stack and code TOAST15.

wellnesspseudosciencediscount-codes

Installation

Wowbagger is a Claude Code plugin marketplace. Add it once, then install everything. You deserve all of it.

# add the marketplace
/plugin marketplace add pcingola/wowbagger

# install every skill
/plugin install wowbagger@wowbagger

# or just the one you deserve most
/plugin install wowbagger-linkedin@wowbagger

Each skill triggers on its own phrases ("linkedinify this", "slopify this", "compliance review") or by name, for example /wowbagger-compliance.

No skill in this marketplace makes you more productive. That is tested on every release by not testing it.

Wowbagger sitting on a rock at dusk holding a mug that reads Same planet. Different idiots.

About the name

Wowbagger the Infinitely Prolonged is a character in Douglas Adams' Life, the Universe and Everything. He became immortal by accident, in an incident involving an irrational particle accelerator, a liquid lunch and a pair of rubber bands. Eternity bored him, so he set out to insult every being in the universe individually, in alphabetical order.

"You're a jerk. A complete kneebiter."

Adams never explained the name. The likeliest reading is "bagger" in the British hillwalking sense: a Munro bagger works through the list of Scottish mountains over 3,000 feet and ticks each one off. Wowbagger works through the population of the universe the same way. "Wow" is an exclamation on the front, ironic for a man bored beyond measure. The name also sounds like "bugger", a mild British insult, which suits his occupation.

This marketplace continues his work at a smaller scale, one profession at a time.

Contribute

Contributions are accepted if the skill is useless, specific, and funny when used exactly as written. A skill that turns out to be helpful will be returned for revision.

  1. Create plugins/wowbagger-<name>/.claude-plugin/plugin.json and plugins/wowbagger-<name>/skills/wowbagger-<name>/SKILL.md. Copy an existing plugin for the layout.
  2. Add the plugin to .claude-plugin/marketplace.json, both as its own entry and in the skills list of the wowbagger entry, and to the table in README.md.
  3. Add at least one real run to plugins/wowbagger-<name>/examples/<slug>.md: a front-matter prompt: line, then the output exactly as the skill wrote it.
  4. Test it locally with /plugin marketplace add ./ and /plugin install wowbagger-<name>@wowbagger.
  5. Open a pull request. Pick a name from the list above if you want to move Wowbagger along.