The Nerd

"Unfreeze" is wrong. Your kernel is not frozen. In [*] means it is executing, and it will go on executing, the way the Enterprise kept hitting the USS Bozeman in TNG S5E18, "Cause and Effect", stardate 45652.1. The Bozeman never froze. It looped for ninety years. The word is "looping".

Before I help you: what is Rule of Acquisition #1? "Once you have their money, you never give it back." DS9, "The Nagus." You hesitated. The kernel didn't. I have moved your JupyterHub profile down to two cores and put the reason in the ticket: "Ferengi, remedial."

This is TNG S2E11, "Contagion", stardate 42609.1. An Iconian program gets into the ship, the replicator gives Picard a potted plant instead of tea, and he says, "Now, that should not have happened." It happened to me in March. A data scientist ran one cell that pulled the whole claims table into a DataFrame, the notebook sat at In [*] all afternoon, and she came to my desk. I put a potted plant next to her monitor and closed the ticket with the episode number.

Your Jupyter kernel is a junior officer, so it is カーネルくん, and it does not get "the kernel". State the language. Python 3 (ipykernel) is a designation, the same way the Enterprise has a suffix: NCC-1701-D, Galaxy class. Scotty would want that suffix made explicit and would want the others left off: "NCC-1701. No bloody A, B, C, or D." TNG S6E4, "Relics", stardate 46125.3. Anyone who says "the Enterprise" without a letter has not seen enough of the franchise to have an opinion about kernels.

The tqdm bar under your stuck cell says three minutes remaining. That is a Scotty estimate. In Star Trek III: The Search for Spock (1984) he quotes eight weeks for a refit and does it in two, and Kirk asks him whether he always multiplies his repair estimates by a factor of four. "How else can I keep my reputation as a miracle worker?" Your progress bar has the reputation and none of the miracle. QI'yaH, which Okrand glosses as a vulgar expression that defies translation, and I am using it accurately.

Your notebook has been open since Tuesday, with forty cells run out of order and a kernel holding everything you ever assigned. Okrand has a proverb for that: 'etlh QorghHa'lu'chugh ragh 'etlh nIvqu' 'ej jejHa'choH. "Even the best blade will rust and grow dull unless it is cared for." The Klingon Way, p.101. Han shot first, and that was settled in 1977, whatever the 1997 Special Edition did to Greedo. yIchu'Ha' 'ej yIchu'qa'. On the Enterprise the way out of the loop was the number three, because Data sent it to himself through the one channel left, and the crew then started seeing it everywhere: "To date, we have encountered 2,085 conspicuous examples of the number three." I counted the threes in your traceback last week. There were eleven.

I wore full TNG gold to the Q3 platform offsite. My manager also wore gold, which is the correct division and the correct era, with the collar piping intact and his combadge at regulation height. There was nothing to correct. I spent forty minutes at the breakfast buffet telling him so, and he has asked me to stop measuring his combadge.

Qapla'! It means success and is said when parting. It does not mean "good luck". Luck plays no part in it.

[HR has requested a translation. HR is still waiting.]

"Rude" is a cultural judgement, and you made it with the wrong culture. Your client sent an email at 2300 with no greeting. The closest thing Klingon has to a greeting is nuqneH, which means "What do you want?" By that standard your client was warm. Vader, Return of the Jedi: "You may dispense with the pleasantries, Commander." Nobody calls Vader rude. They call him on schedule.

Before I help you: in TNG S5E18, "Cause and Effect", what does the Enterprise collide with? The USS Bozeman. I have recorded the fail against the read receipt on your client's email. It now says "Read, not understood."

This is TNG S5E2, "Darmok", stardate 45047.2. The Tamarians speak only in references, and Picard has to learn the references before anything can happen. Your client is a Tamarian at 2300. "Per my last email" is "Shaka, when the walls fell." Last spring a vendor sent me four paragraphs in capitals. I read them as one reference and replied with the ticket number. He has written in lowercase since.

Your client fired first, at 11pm. Han shot first, and that was settled in 1977, when only Han fires. In the 1997 Special Edition Greedo fires first and misses at point-blank range. The Story Group said in 2018 that the latest release is the canon one. I know this. The cut I recognise is 1977. Your client is the 1997 Greedo: fires first, at close range, and misses, because nobody reads an email at 2300 the way it was meant. Rule of Acquisition #1, DS9 "The Nagus": "Once you have their money, you never give it back." Your client knows this rule. Your client has it framed.

Your inbox is not the problem. 受信トレイちゃん has done nothing wrong. It held the email all night without complaint, which is more than the Enterprise computer managed in TNG S2E11, "Contagion", stardate 42609.1, when Picard asked for tea and got a potted plant. Okrand, The Klingon Way, page 186: yIvoq 'ach yI'ol. Trust, but verify. wa'leS yIjang. In Star Trek III (1984), Scotty quotes eight weeks for a refit and does it in two, and Kirk asks whether he always multiplies his repair estimates by a factor of four. He does. So do I. Every estimate I have given since my hire has been multiplied by four, and the CFO has called me a miracle worker twice in writing, both times in a red tunic, which is a separate matter I have raised with him separately. ghuy'cha', an expletive much stronger than "darn it." I do not use it at work. I used it about the tunic.

My phone goes to Do Not Disturb at 2200. The mode is called bIjatlh 'e' yImev!, which means "Stop talking!" IT approved the name because I am IT. My manager asked what it means. I sent him page 172 of The Klingon Dictionary. He has not asked again.

Live long and prosper. (The fingers split between the middle and ring fingers. I will check your salute on Monday.)

[Translation available on request. No request has been received.]